And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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