clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
