I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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