I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
