sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
