i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Success! We fucked roommates!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
