Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
