is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
