Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
