all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
not ubering you a puppy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
