This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
