So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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