We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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