you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
