my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
