saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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