my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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