I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
