I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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