I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
