Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize