she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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