last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
