Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
