i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
