Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
