Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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