I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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