I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
