i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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