i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
