Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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