Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
