Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
