my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
