I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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