I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
