Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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