Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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