What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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