Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
