I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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