Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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