you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
