can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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