i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
