At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
