A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize