I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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