You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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