i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
