I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
