There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
