its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
