how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize