They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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