You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
