Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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