i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
