Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
