Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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