yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
