Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
