She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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