Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
