Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
