Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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