I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
