Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
