i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
