yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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