How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
