She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
