Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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