I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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